Things I Just Don't Understand

I like to thing I'm a reasonably intelligent human being. As I've already discussed, I love reading, I've been a bookworm since I was in preschool. I have a fairly high IQ, and I was a gifted scholar all through grade school. I pick up on concepts quickly, and I love learning new things. Especially about different cultures and interaction among subgroups.

But there are just some things that don't make sense to me. I like to speak proper English, and the closest I get to falling into slang is when I abbreviate my words, or utilize text lingo.

Example: "OMG, did you see the new Michael Kors crossbody? It was totes presh."

Very rarely am I that bad, and half the time when I speak in such a way, I'm joking around.

So basically, I can get really offended/irritated when people try to hold a conversation with me, IN ENGLISH MIND YOU, and I cannot understand a word they are saying. I know there is a culture gap here, and that doesn't bother me. 

But do I really look like the kind of girl who will understand you when you ask if I have an old man? 

I kid you not. Approximately a month or so ago, give or take a few days, I was riding on the bus towards downtown when a (ghetto as all out) gentleman proceeds to lean across his seat, pull out one of his headphones (from which I could hear some gangsta rap song about asses) and ask me "Hey baby, ya gotta old man?" 

I stared at him for a good two minutes. Just stared. "I'm sorry?" I said.

"Gotta old man?"

Now, I looked around the bus. Please God, tell me someone can decipher this man's cryptic code. I swear, I had no idea what he was trying to ask me. Do I know an older man? Or wait, isn't an old man a father figure? Is he asking me if I have a father? I went with the dad thing, and returned with- "Yes actually, I do. And he rides a motorcycle. And like his guns."

Honestly, I probably could have left off the last two bits there, but I really wanted to drive it in that I was Daddy's Little Girl, and you don't wanna fuck with my Daddy.

I turned to the trusty snapchat, and proceeded to mass address everyone in my top list a query as to his meaning. I got five replies within five minutes, an interesting assortment of loud laughter and Are You Serious looks. Now bewildered, I texted my best guy friend who is the most street guy I know. He quickly texted back, asking if I was okay, what had I told the guy, and if I needed backup in a bad part of town, or picking up from the bus stop. I reassured him, saying I had a fully charged phone and Mace, and that I was nearly home. He then gave me a rundown on what I had just told the guy.

Needless to say, I blushed the rest of the way home.